Raising Attabury: A Contemporary Christian Epic-Novel (The Grace Series Book 5) Read online

  “But now…?”

  Greg nodded. “Believe me, that I’m here says more about her than it ever will about me.”

  He didn’t want to ask, but there was one piece he didn’t quite have in place. “And Ericka? Did you ever see her again?”

  That dragged Greg’s gaze back down to the table. “You know Luke and Sage?”

  Perplexity flitted through Eric. “Yeah. Sage, your… oh.”

  One second and Greg nodded. “It’s been a long road filled with bumps and potholes and landslides.” He shook his head. “The only way I think we made it here is by the grace of God. Believe me, I have no standing to say that any of it was because of me because pretty much everything I did in the whole thing was make a mess of it for everyone else.”

  Truly Eric didn’t know what to say. Before him sat regret personified, and somewhere inside the wreck of a man, he saw his own future, his own life’s path if he didn’t find a way to change course. How many times had he thought that maybe he had simply married the wrong person? How many times had he looked at Dani and thought if she would just agree to live the way he wanted her to, everything would be better?

  With a gulp his mind slid past the night he had never told anyone about. The night he had gotten in his car and driven away because he just couldn’t take it anymore. Of course he had eventually turned the car around and went back, but he knew as well as the next heartbeat he’d always wondered what was on the end of that road if he had just kept driving. He still wondered although maybe now he had gotten a glimpse, and that glimpse hitched his breath and stopped his heart.

  “You… you said God did it.” Eric ventured out, unsure he could or should ask the question. “How did He do that? Did you… what? Like go to church or read the Bible? What?”

  A moment of thought and Greg shook his head. “For a lot of years I hid it and tried to forget it. Ericka eventually got married, and Sage… Well, she was just a passing thought I tried not to let come up very often. Then the summer before her senior year, her mom called and thought that it would be a good idea for her to come here for a summer.”

  “Whoa.”

  “That’s what I said, but what was I going to say, ‘No’? So she came, and if I thought things were tough before, let’s just say I had no idea how much hurt Em and the kids were operating on. Things really went from bad to worse, and then they really tanked. Em walked out on us, Jaycee blamed me, Ryder was so young, he really didn’t know what was going on. It was like I’d gotten thrown right back to the time when the girls were born.

  “We’d been going to church our whole lives, but I really can’t say I understood how one thing had anything to do with the other. God was up there somewhere, and I was just trying to get through life without it exploding in my face by that point. It was only when I gave up trying to hide and act like everything was great and fine that He really started dealing with me about stuff. I started talking with the pastor… a lot, and then Sage and I talked to him and then Em and I. It wasn’t a fast thing, and to be honest, I still darken his doorstep once or twice a month just because I’ve realized I’m not smart enough to do this right on my own.

  “I’ve also realized that God is the only way to untangle the mess I’ve made of this thing. If it wasn’t for Him, I would hate to think where we’d be right now. Certainly not sitting here having this conversation, I can guarantee you that.”

  Eric nodded, taking it all in on a level he hadn’t known he possessed.

  “I’ve learned this old life ain’t easy, and we make it a whole lot harder when we choose to live thinking only about ourselves. You may be as surprised to learn this as I was, but I am not the center of the universe.” This smile was almost happy. “I know. Shocking, right? Everybody else’s life does not exist to serve mine. The more I learn to give love rather than thinking everyone’s supposed to just generously give me love, the more at peace I become. But it took a lot of years and a whole lot of heartache for me to start getting that one right. And I still fail at it all the time. I still mess it up. But God just keeps mending things and forgiving me and working with me and teaching me. Thank God for that, and I mean that literally. He has never given up on me no matter how messed up my decisions got. I don’t deserve His grace. I didn’t deserve his forgiveness, and I don’t deserve His love.

  “But His love is different than my love was back then or even than it is now. He loves me because He chooses to love me because of Him—not because of what I’ve done or haven’t done. It’s unconditional, no terms I have to meet or requirements I have to fulfill. I think the more I really get that, the less willful and stupid I become.”

  “But, doesn’t that… I don’t know, give you license to…”

  “Do whatever I want?”

  Reluctant to acknowledge the thought, Eric nodded. “Yeah.”

  “Of course it gives me the freedom to do that, but once I really understood how willingly He loved me, in spite of everything I’d done, I don’t see it as ‘license,’ I see it as ‘I would never do anything to slap Him in the face after all He’s done for me.’ Perish the thought. Now I’m not saying no one would, but I can’t imagine after all He’s forgiven me for, after He put my family back together and knitted us together, I would never knowingly do something to take advantage of the love and grace and forgiveness He’s given me.

  “When someone loves you, even a little bit, taking advantage of that love is… well, it’s about as low of a thing as you can do to them. Loving someone is a very vulnerable thing. It’s putting yourself out there, all the way, holding nothing back, no safeguards, no defenses. To take advantage of that and stomp on it…” Greg shrugged. “I’ve seen what that does to someone, and I’d never want to do that to someone ever again, especially not to God. Not after what He’s done for me.”

  “Well, look at the two of you,” Emily said, coming into the kitchen still in her robe and fuzzy slippers, and they both bolted upright in the chairs. “What time are you meeting Caleb?”

  Greg looked at his watch. “Nine. Which means we’d better get a move on.” He stood and picked up his dishes as Eric did the same, stumbling because his mind was on the previous conversation rather than the present movement.

  “Oh, goodness. You two go on then. I’ll get these,” Emily said of the dishes.

  “Are you sure?” Greg asked, worry lining the question.

  She angled her lips up to his for a quick kiss which he obliged. “Of course. I’m just going to run over to Sage’s later to watch the kids for a while. It’s not like I can’t do a few dishes first.”

  “Okay.” Turning, Greg put his hands on his beltline. “Well, then if you’re ready…”

  “Oh. Yeah.” Eric slammed into a solid brick wall of guilt he hadn’t seen coming the other way. “Uh, do you mind if I call Dani right quick? Just to let her know what’s going on.”

  “Sure. No problem. I’ll call Caleb so he’s not rushing out there.”

  Emily laughed. “He’s a newlywed. He’s not rushing anywhere.”

  Greg smiled. “Then I’ll tell him not to feel guilty about taking his time.”

  Chapter 4

  When Dani’s cell phone went off as she sat applying her makeup, she glanced at it and sighed. The half-eye-roll and small shake of her head screamed her frustration with the whole situation and with him. It took her a full ten seconds to get all of the emotions—anger, hurt, sadness, and irritation tamped down in her heart enough to be able to answer it. Reaching over, she shook her head back and stabilized her voice. “Hello?”

  “Hey, babe,” Eric said, and with everything in her, she wanted to hey babe him.

  “Hey.” She could get no more out. If she had tried to say more, what she was really thinking and feeling might have come out, and she couldn’t dare take that chance. Putting her gaze down as she laid the mascara on the little vanity, she dragged in a silent breath.

  “Uh, yeah. Listen, I just wanted to let you know, I made it, and everything’s cool h
ere.”

  “Oh. Good.” Why did every word feel like it might rip her in half?

  “Yeah, I stayed with Greg and Emily last night instead of going out to the farm. If I get a chance, I’m hoping Caleb might take me out there today so when we come back next time, we’ll know where we’re going.”

  What made him think she would ever want to go anywhere with him? Of course that thought was insane, but it went through her so fast she didn’t have a chance to stop it.

  “So what’re you and Ja doing today?” he asked, and his voice was softer than she had remembered it being.

  “Oh. Uh. I don’t… know.” Guilt for her actual plans twisted across her heart. “I’d kind of thought about going in to work for a while.”

  “Today?” In one breath the soft was gone.

  “Well, I’m really behind on everything, and that stuff isn’t going to just do itself, you know?”

  “Yeah, but… you…” He let out a breath. “Okay. Yeah. If you need to go to work, you need to go to work. Tell you what, maybe I’ll try to cut it short here, and I can get back and take you and Ja out somewhere tonight.”

  Worry snaked over the guilt. “Out? Why?”

  “I don’t know. I just… it feels like we haven’t done anything together in a while. Maybe we could do a movie or something.”

  “A… movie?” Incredulousness wounded through the worry and anger making thinking straight a real challenge. “Are you serious? What would we even go see? There’s nothing we could even take Jaden to…”

  “Okay. Then maybe we get something on TV and pop some popcorn.”

  “Pop…?” There were not enough words in the English language to get that question actually articulated. Suddenly a horrible feeling came over her. “Is everything okay?”

  The softness in his voice was back. “Yeah. Everything’s great. Listen, I’ll call you when I leave so I know if I need to get Ja or not.”

  “O… okay.”

  “Good luck with work, and I can’t wait to see you tonight.”

  She didn’t even say okay. She couldn’t.

  “I’ve got to get,” he said. “Love you.”

  Her eyebrows shot for the ceiling. “Yeah. You too.”

  And with that, he signed off.

  Dani didn’t move when she clicked the phone off and laid it in front of her. What in the world was that?

  “Mommy?” the little voice behind her said, and Dani turned to find her sleepy child rubbing her eyes in her doorway.

  “Hey, baby doll.” Leaving the makeup, she stood and went over to the bed. She sat down on the high mattress and patted it for her daughter. Jaden came over, and Dani had to lift her up next to her. “You’re up awful early for a Saturday.”

  Jaden looked around as a thread of fear weaved on her face. “Where’s Daddy?”

  Feelings upon feelings tumbled into Dani’s heart, and she put her arms around her daughter. “Ah, baby girl. Remember Daddy went to work on the new house, but he’ll be home later.”

  The little head nodded slowly, but she offered not even a hint of a complaint.

  Resolve came over Dani then. Work would still be there on Monday. Maybe she could take one day off. “Tell you what. Why don’t we eat some breakfast and go out and have a girls’ day out?”

  There was no way Jaden’s eyes could have gotten any bigger. “Really?”

  Something very close to happiness wafted over Dani as she hugged the little girl. “Really. We could go to the museum or the park although the park is probably too cold right now.”

  “We could go to the Kids Museum.”

  Dani pulled her head back to look at her daughter. “The Kids Museum? What’s that?”

  “Camry went over Christmas. She said it’s to die for.”

  “To die for, huh? Hm. Well, we’ll just have to check that out because I haven’t seen anything that great in a long time.”

  It was getting easier to navigate around the little town. Things were beginning to feel familiar, and as Eric drove to Attabury, he let himself be amazed at how many great memories he already had here. The talk with Greg, though not an easy conversation had opened his eyes to life in a way he couldn’t remember ever having seen it.

  What struck him most was Greg’s assertion that love was about loving, not about him being the center of the universe. Maybe he’d heard that before but never that way. As he drove back out into the country, he thought about his marriage. Yes, he loved Dani. He did.

  Even when she drove him crazy. Even when life felt too much for him to handle. Even when he thought about them not being together someday. As crazy as that sounded, at the bottom of it all, he knew what he really wanted was for them to stay together and somehow to get to where Greg and Emily were now. The thoughts pulled him up short when he realized what it had taken them to get here.

  Their life had hardly been a happily-ever-after fairy tale. Only with a lot of forgiveness and staying together anyway had they made it. Love. It looked so different from this side of it.

  “Love is a choice not a feeling.” That’s what Greg had said. A choice. Not a feeling.

  He’d never looked at it that way. Ever.

  And maybe that’s why he could see the dissolution of their marriage as a viable option because he was relying on the feeling rather than the choice. When he pulled up at the old, rickety house, he took one look at the timeworn, grayed boards that were barely visible through the knot of dead trees. His mind traced through the place with no help from him. Was it even worth saving?

  It was old. Ancient even. No one would even miss it if it was gone. What difference did it make if it stood or got torn down?

  Yet as he sat there, looking at it, he saw what maybe no one else even could—a grand house, a beautiful house, filled with laughter and love. But in all honesty, as a shell of only its possibilities, it could easily be dismissed, disregarded, and torn asunder. Torn asunder.

  He looked in his rear view mirror and found Caleb’s truck coming down the road even as his mind turned those words over and over again. Torn asunder. Torn asunder. Those words had something to do with the wedding, their wedding. Although he couldn’t quite get them into the right box in his head, lest he lose them completely, he grabbed a piece of paper from the glovebox and a pen and scribbled them down.

  His gaze went out the window to the two men now talking beyond. They would be waiting for him. He needed to hurry. Quickly he set the paper aside and climbed out. With a solid breath, he looked at the old house. “You know what, Attabury, you might not know it now, but today is the first day of the rest of your life, and it’s going to be very, very good rest of your life if I have anything to say about it.”

  “So what do you want to do first?” Dani asked Jaden when they had entered the large building with children and parents scattered in every conceivable direction.

  “Camry said there’s a piano on the stairs.” Jaden held onto Dani’s hand as her eyes widened on the sight.

  “A piano on the stairs?”

  “That’s what she said.”

  “Okay. Well, let’s go see if we can find this piano on the stairs.”

  “I’ve been thinking about the structural integrity of the place,” Eric said as the three of them stood in the living room. “From everything I can tell, I think about the only thing holding the place up is the wall to the hall going up the staircase and the hearth in the kitchen. I think with that in mind, we leave the main floor laid out like it is. We keep the parlor and the living area and that strange little dining room thing off the kitchen. No use even thinking about trying to modernize it with an open concept. I haven’t really decided if it would be best to move the dining room into that parlor area of if we’d rather make the parlor a study or office of some sort.”

  “There is an office upstairs,” Caleb offered. “It’s not super big, but I don’t know what you’re thinking on that.”

  That intrigued Eric. “So you’ve been up there then?”

  “Derek a
nd I braved it one time just to see what we’d be up against up there.”

  “And?” Greg asked.

  Caleb shook his head very slowly. “Well, there’s one bathroom, but all the plumbing is exposed. It looks like whoever did it was going for convenience rather than looks. They took the square footage for that out of what was the master, so it’s considerably smaller than I’m sure it was at one time. Because of the roof pitch up there, that ceiling comes down across the room at an angle, and believe me, with the sheetrock as it currently is, there is no vault to that ceiling.”

  “Is that the only bedroom?” Eric asked, growing concerned.

  “No. The stairs has a landing at the top that breaks and goes up three more steps one way and three more the other. To the left is the bath and master, to the right is two small bedrooms and that office-study thing in the middle.” He whipped his tape measure off his belt. “It’s about 12 by 10 or so. Not tiny, but not much bigger than a desk and a chair or two. The bedrooms aren’t much bigger than that—a twin bed in each and a tiny dresser. No closets at all.”

  “Is there furniture up there?” Greg asked.

  “In the smaller bedrooms yes, but the master didn’t have much of anything. I think there might have been a little chest or something.”

  Eric puzzled over that a moment.

  “I bet it was all moved down into the parlor,” Greg said, and Eric nodded in instant understanding.

  “That makes sense,” Eric agreed. “She probably couldn’t do those stairs anymore.”

  “Any idea how old she was when she passed away?” Caleb asked either man who wanted to venture a guess.

  “Gosh,” Greg said, putting his hand up to the back of his head. “Probably 90 or better. She was old when I was little, and I’d bet it was only like 15-20 years ago that she died.”

  Caleb nodded. “Rachel told me she used to take a shotgun with her to the outhouse, something about snunks and teenagers.” He narrowed his gaze, thinking it through. “Did she have family in the area? Kids? Grandkids?”