Raising Attabury: A Contemporary Christian Epic-Novel (The Grace Series Book 5) Read online

  Dani couldn’t at all tell how much of his concern was for her benefit and how much stemmed from the fact that her mother was standing right there watching him with her. “I was just coming down to see...” However, the choke came to the top part of her throat and lodged there, nearly sending her into gagging. At the last possible second, she coughed instead, a horrible, raspy harsh sound that dragged worry onto Jaden’s face as her mother gathered the child closer to her. She was scaring Ja.

  Relinquishing the insanity of fighting the inevitable, Dani nodded and turned back up the stairs, pulling and dragging herself back up them. All she wanted to do was get in that bed and die.

  Eric followed her up, his hand one inch from her back, not really touching her but not really leaving either. By the time he was standing next to her in the bed strewn with used Kleenex and cough drop wrappers, he didn’t look one bit pleased. “Have you eaten? I could make you some soup.”

  She wanted to protest, to rip him to shreds for leaving in the first place, but now was not the time, so she simply nodded.

  “Okay.” He didn’t look even one ounce more pleased. “I’ll get the soup started and bring you some juice. You want more Nyquil?”

  Not daring to try to speak, Dani nodded miserably and laid back on the stack of pillows. However, the movement jarred her lungs into action once again, and her whole chest constricted. The coughs were really starting to hurt something fierce. She wanted sleep, badly.

  “I’ll be back.”

  What could she say? Why bother? No. She couldn’t say that, so she said nothing and ripped up two more tissues before closing her eyes, spent.

  Now understanding why his mother-in-law had called, Eric headed down, prepared to face her wrath. He was not disappointed. Skirting into the kitchen, he was not quite quiet enough, and she came looking for him.

  “I cannot believe you went off and left her like that,” she said, barely keeping her voice below a whisper. “She is practically on her deathbed.”

  “She wasn’t sick when I left.” Eric got out the pan, cans, and bowls. At least he didn’t think she was sick when he left. He tried to think back to Friday. It seemed a lifetime before. “You know, I’m here now. You don’t have to stay.”

  “Leave you with Dani? She is sick as a dog, and what are you going to do with Jaden? That baby’s got to eat, you know?”

  He wanted to remind her that he had come because she had asked him to and that he was a fully-grown adult who could make supper. It wasn’t like they would starve. Still, he held his tongue from saying either one harshly. “I know you were going to that exhibit tonight. Really, I have this. You can go on. I’d hate for you to miss it.”

  She didn’t look pleased nor convinced, but after a few more moments of thought, she sighed. “Okay. But if you need me, all you have to do is call.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.”

  The rest of the evening was split between trips upstairs to give Dani fresh tissues, soup, orange juice, and cough medicine and keeping a watchful eye over Jaden. They ate the rest of Dani’s soup, which wasn’t so bad. He even made Jaden a grilled cheese sandwich and cut the crust off like he knew she liked.

  As they ate together, he tried to ask how school was, how her friends were, and what she’d been doing all day; however, her answers were mostly either short or nearly non-existent. He hoped she wasn’t getting sick as well. When supper was finished, she asked to be excused and he gave her permission after making sure she took her dishes to the sink. No use letting the discipline slide just because he was in charge.

  With everyone else gone, he stood to do the dishes. Dishes. Not his favorite thing in the world. As he stood at the sink, slowly running the rag through the water and over the plates, he thought again how this life wasn’t at all what he had thought it would be. Marriage. It was supposed to be the gateway to amazingness, a life of happiness, love and adventure. Every step from there to here had been in pursuit of that goal, to fix what felt broken and out-of-sync with life. The house, the cars, the jobs, even Jaden. Always feeling like that one more thing that was just on the horizon would catapult them into the good life.

  Now here he was, washing dishes as he had when he was a bachelor. As crazy as it sounded, he still felt the same inside like he had felt back then. Inadequate. A little nervous about how to make life work. Unsure about the future. He put the last of the dishes in the washer and started it before wiping off the table.

  Kitchen cleaned, he went over to his duffle bag which lay by the door. Swiping it up, he took it to the living room, sat in his chair, and dug out the little book. Although he honestly didn’t know if better was even possible, he liked how he felt when he read. It whispered possibilities and hope. Opening the book, he sat back.

  Laws about Others #4

  In a recent book I read, the author talked about the importance of others to walk with you on the journey of faith. If you are fortunate enough to have someone you trust along with you on this journey, I’m thrilled for you. Unfortunately, I didn’t.

  Although I didn’t have a lot of confrontational resistance from others, I also didn’t have people around me who understood the steps I was taking. I didn’t really have a mentor, unless you count the Holy Spirit (which I definitely do!). I didn’t really have a Bible study group or group of friends who were actively on this path with me.

  In fact, in many realms of my life, God has seen fit for Him and me to chop down jungle paths for others to follow. This is not an inherently bad thing. It just means there weren’t really people I could go to who could explain what was going on at a particular place on the journey or who could offer guidance or wisdom of the next step or where this was going.

  Of course, in general I had mentors—some of the authors I have mentioned previously, my pastors, etc. But none of them was specific to this type of teaching. I could not go to one of them, for example, and say, “I can really see now how desiring other people’s approval drove me to perfectionism, which drove me right into guilt, and I’ve been on this try harder wheel my whole life. I want to get on the God wheel, how do I do that?”

  They would’ve looked at me like I’d lost my mind.

  And that’s okay.

  This is about YOU!

  I know by now you’ve probably identified at least a few people in your life that this teaching could really help. While I do hope you share it with others, it is very important to understand that this is not about them.

  The key is not them.

  The key is YOU!

  God is working on YOUR heart, and trust me, no one else has to be with you on the journey for this to work for you.

  Although it would be great if you had one or have one, you do not need a mentor to make your paradigm shift. In fact, given the state of our world and the consciousness level most people are trapped in, the chances of you finding a mentor even if you wanted to are very slim.

  So, right here, right now, it’s time to make the choice to do this for yourself and with God no matter what anyone else says, does, or decides around you.

  This is about YOU!

  When you decide to move forward on this path, although you will get some resistance, some people will choose to follow you. Some will become intrigued at how you’ve made such a drastic change in yourself so quickly. Some will ask. Not all will listen.

  That’s okay.

  Eric lowered the book, put his head back on the chair’s headrest, and shook his head slowly. With everything in him, he wanted to make this Dani’s fault, Dani’s issue to fix, about her. In fact, if he was brutally honest, most of the searching he had done up until now had been secretly looking for a key to fix her.

  But what if the key wasn’t her at all? What if the key really was him?

  As Eric thought about it, there was a sliver of excitement and a whole vat of disquiet. If this was up to him, that looked like a lot of work. And would it even change things in the end? After all, he was the stable one in this relationship. Dani was a
lways reaching for the next big thing. He would have been content with a smaller house in a less exclusive neighborhood, more like the one he grew up in. It was Dani who had insisted they have this house in this neighborhood so Ja could go to that school.

  The school. His blood still boiled over when he thought about the humiliation of that day. If they paid him, he was never doing that again. His grip on the book slipped, and the pages folded together. He growled low in frustration because he hadn’t yet put the bookmark in it. Knowing approximately where he had left off, he opened the book about to there, planning to skim a bit and find his place back.

  The truth is that while the spiritual wholeness process centers on you becoming whole, that is not the ultimate goal. If all we could do was get you healed and saved, that would be wonderful, but bringing great amounts of light into this world would take forever like that—one person at a time.

  But the thing is, once you begin healing and are healed, the light doesn’t stop with you. God’s plan is about reconciling the WHOLE WORLD, and although the process may start with you, His intention is for you to spread this healing with everyone. That’s where you’re going even though you may not quite be there yet.

  Trust me, you will know when to take that step.

  The first one may well be small. That’s okay. Don’t force it, but don’t shy away from it when it shows up either.

  As you work on you, God will begin to use you as a channel for Himself in the world. That is an honor, a privilege, and a calling. But just like He did with Abraham and the covenant, He is fully prepared to do it all Himself. He just needs you to be willing to be the channel.

  When you are, He will speak through you. He will give you the right thing to read or listen to. He will send the right person—even if they are not aware He is speaking through them! Listen. Learn the lessons. Understand as much as you can.

  Being on the God Wheel is anything but boring! There will be times you will be overwhelmed with how much He wants to share with you. On the God Wheel, life is very exciting. You will be challenged and stretched in your faith and your understanding like you never thought possible.

  That’s okay. That’s how it should be.

  God is training you for Heaven.

  Get ready to learn the lessons!

  “Daddy?” the little voice came from the stairs, and he closed the book.

  “Yeah, baby?”

  “Mommy is coughing again.”

  He slipped the bookmark into the book and laid it on the end table. “Okay, baby, I’m coming.”

  Chapter 8

  Thankfully by the time they headed to Ridgemount the next Friday after work, Dani felt like she might actually live. As Eric drove them east, she put her head back and closed her eyes. Because of the sickness, it had been a long week of trying to keep up and feeling like she was perpetually falling further behind. A multitude of thoughts poured into her mind, some tasks completed, most tasks she hadn’t had the time nor the energy to take care of during the insanity of the past week.

  “Did you get the electric bill paid?” she asked, coming awake as she did every time she tried to rest these days. Responsibilities and life. They never let her rest for very long.

  “Uh,” he said, dragging the syllable out as he glanced over at her with concern, “was I supposed to?”

  “No.” She sighed, wondering why every single family task had to fall on her shoulders. “I was just thinking maybe you had.”

  “No.” The reluctance and worry in his voice slithered through the word. “I didn’t.”

  This sigh was harder, harsher as she sat up, shifted twice to get herself all the way upright, and she reached down for her laptop on the floorboard between her legs. In seconds she had the thing on, in seconds more she was on the electric company’s website. Login. Password. She ratcheted up her eyes and coughed once before shaking her head to keep herself awake. She’d been up since five. Fourteen hours and counting.

  And tomorrow Caleb had said they would be on camera. What had he called them? Stand-ups? Something like that. Talking about the project, he had said on Tuesday when he called to make sure they were coming for the weekend. Being on camera made her shiver with fear, and reaching up, she slid her hand over her slicked back hair.

  They were staying out at Derek and Jaycee’s tonight apparently with Derek and Jaycee whenever they got in. That’s what they had said anyway. Dani’s mind and heart swirled over all of it. Being on display for a whole weekend. She told herself she needed to watch what she said to Eric and how. The last thing she wanted was for her hosts to pick up on any marital discord.

  Clicking twice, she paid the bill. Figuring it wouldn’t hurt to check her email, she did that as well. She felt his glance over at her, and it raked across her nerves. What difference did it make to him if she got some work done? After all, if they were going to pay for this thing, she needed this contract to go well.

  He glanced at her again, and this one made her even more irritated. “Have you heard from your mom?”

  That yanked tears up into her eyes and throat with no warning. Blinking them back, she let the air out of her lungs very slowly. “Yeah.” She clicked and then clicked again, hating the little built-in mouse and thinking she should dig the portable one out of the little bag. On one email, she clicked reply and typed a quick message, sniffing from the thoughts rather than the remnants of the cold. Truth was, the email wasn’t critical, but it kept her from going back to the conversation, which was fine by her.

  “How is everything?” he finally asked when she had said no more for a full minute.

  “Okay, I guess.” Click and more typing. The meeting time for Monday had changed to earlier in the day. Her mind snapped to the thought and held. She needed to get the reports done on the legal standing with the city in Scotland. Joel had said they needed them ready for that meeting.

  “Did they finalize it yet?”

  “Finalize…?” She wished he would quit talking because doing both things at once was not easy. “Oh, yeah. Signed, sealed, and delivered apparently.” The divorce. The thought jerked her heart painfully in her chest, and she ratcheted her eyes up once again to keep from letting the tears stinging in them fall. A single sniff and shake of her head where the only outward signs that she wasn’t talking about what color curtains would look good in the living room. “I guess all they have to do now is get the house sold.”

  Eric nodded and glanced over at her again. “They have any offers?”

  Backspacing because that wasn’t what she had wanted to write, Dani shook her head. “Not yet.”

  “They still thinking about dropping the price?”

  She zeroed her gaze in on the words, willing herself to get this just right. When the quiet in the space between them went on for just too long, she realized that was her cue to say something. “Probably. I don’t know that they’ve decided yet.”

  Thankfully, he did not choose to pursue the conversation, which was just fine with her. She needed to work, and it didn’t help that life didn’t grasp it wasn’t supposed to keep getting in the way of that.

  Eric drove, berating the view outside his window. Winter time in North Carolina. Blah. Bland. Boring. The only good news was it wasn’t snowing. That couldn’t last, but at least this weekend, they would be spared the white slush that made for cold feet and miserable driving.

  He knew trying to continue a conversation with her was pointless. He also knew turning the radio on or turning it up would only get it turned off or down. Anger at being trapped in his own life bubbled inside of him. It hadn’t been that many days since he had been waiting on her hand and foot while she recovered from the vicious cold bug. Surely he deserved some time out of solitary for good behavior. Putting his elbow up on the window sill and his hand on his mouth and then down his chin, he forced himself not to look over at her. She could be maddening to the core when she wanted to be, and today she clearly had no intention of being anything else.

  His thoughts
tripped forward to the evening and then to tomorrow. He had no idea what they were in for. Cleaning out Attabury. Demolitioning Fort Knox sounded easier. As his thoughts slid from the disaster that was his marriage to the disaster that was his newest investment, he couldn’t help but think once again how similar the two of them were. Maybe when it was finished, he would just move there and leave Dani in Raleigh. Surely there was a job for an engineer with a good track record out here by the coast. However, his gaze slipped back to Ja, and he knew he would never do that. No. Somehow, even if it killed him, he had to find a way to stick this out. Unfortunately, death seemed preferable at the moment, and that didn’t look to be changing any time soon.

  When they pulled up to the sprawling farmhouse, Dani’s gaze swept across it and danced twice over the little tannish-gold car in the driveway. For Hollywood superstars, Derek and Jaycee sure didn’t go all-out with their vehicle. “Come on, baby girl,” she said to Jaden as she opened the back door and helped her daughter out.

  “I’ll get the bags,” Eric said. “You all just get on inside.”

  “I hope they’ve got the heaters going, or we’re going to freeze tonight.” Dani grabbed Jaden’s hand, and they headed for the front door. Up the steps, they knocked as Dani tucked her coat closer to her. With the sun already down and the stars sparkling above them, it was clear the temperatures would be plummeting overnight.

  “Oh! Good. You’re here.” Instead of Jaycee, Rachel appeared at the door. She pushed it open and called behind her. “Caleb, they’re here!”

  Dani’s eyes went wide. “I’m sorry. Uh, I thought this was Derek and Jaycee’s?”

  Rachel laughed and pushed the door so they could enter. “It is. We were just making sure everything was in good working order for when you all got in.”

  At that moment Caleb came in from the other door way just as Eric stepped in behind them.